At 2:00 a.m. yesterday morning Carol was hanging out with her friends in the arena parking lot in Tupelo, MS, when a gunman drove up and opened fire. Carol was injured but a specialist is being flown in to tend to her. It is unclear whether Carol ever saw her attacker.

Now read that paragraph again… only this time, Carol is an elephant.

And since the shooting happened in Tupelo, MS, (birthplace of Elvis Presley), the rest of this commentary will include as many references to his work as possible:

Way Down at the BancorpSouth Arena it was a Moody Blue night setting in. While Ringling Brothers Circus performers peacefully slept, trouble was brewing. A random devil in disguise was feeling lonesome tonight so put on his blue suede shoes and drove up and fired at the circus. The only casualty was A BIg Hunk O’ Love - an Asian elephant named Carol.

The city of Tupelo insists that it is not in the ghetto, but so far little evidence has surfaced in the investigation. I just can’t help believin’ something will break and the suspicious minds behind this shooting will be found.

Anyone wishing to write love letters to Carol or send her good luck charms should send them via post to the heartbreak hotel where Carol is resting. The doctors expect her to make a full recovery.